I’m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I’ll run them under cold water for half a second

You Might Also Like


She ran her fingers through my hair and pulled hard. I wanted to ask her to do it harder – but probably inappropriate for the hair salon.


If a party with all dudes is called a “sausage fest”, I request that we start calling all girl parties “taco time”.


is it rude to throw a breath mint in some ones mouth while they are talking?


Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.


“Snitches get stitches”
Cute little rhyme..
However I believe,
“Snitches never wake up again”
is more likely to deter snitching…


If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.


Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers?

I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those.


Two. I have 2 kids.


There’s a woman at breakfast with a mink purse. I guess it’s important to skin an animal alive to keep your credit cards warm… Idiot


Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel


*goes into kitchen
*makes toast
*pours coffee
*sits at table
*opens Sunday paper