My dream guy is hot, funny and smart. And he’ll ask me to marry him with a green lantern ring. And he has powers. And a castle. And Yoshi.
I’m terrified to death of someone stealing my identity and improving my credit
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Bruce Wayne was terrified of bats & he became Batman, so anyway that’s why I became ClownBaboonDentistMan
Fool me once, I buy a gun. Fool me twice, I pull the trigger.
Lately I’ve been really honest with people and so far only 47 people are mad at me
Facebook: I’m happy!
Instagram: I’m pretty!
Vine: I’m artsy!
Pinterest: I’m crafty!
Twitter: I’m lying everywhere but here.
I lit candles & put a trail of rose petals all over the house in confusing patterns so my husband can’t find me drinking in the closet.
What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower.
Accidentally went to Rouge One instead of Rogue One. Boy is my face red.
*At The Opera*
Her: Where are you going?
Me: I have to go to the Men’s Room.
Her: I have the car keys.
NFL catch rules are absurd. “Even though it looked like he caught it, he hadn’t accepted the ball into his heart. Therefore, incomplete.”