@FSUSteve

I’m the guy that slams on his horn in traffic and fake looks behind me to see who’s doing it.

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@teddywah

Pardon me while I slip into something a little more… unconscious.

@osigat

When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago.

@DjKC_117

I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling?

@moiragallaga

First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!

@noog

Insomnia is just your brain’s way of telling you it’s secretly a squirrel with ADHD.

@carlawh

Yes, I DO think “did you bring my pizza?” is an acceptable answer when you’re in a public bathroom and someone knocks on the door.

@UNDEADTRESOR

Do ghosts call their girlfriends “boo”? Bet all that gets pretty confusing.