Marriage is for people who want their break ups to involve paperwork.
I’m trying to convince my Seattle in-laws the new travel ban means we can’t visit them this summer.
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Ace of Base and the Lords of Acid meet in a bar and neutralize each other
Don’t embarrass a guy by telling him his fly is open in public.
Just be a man, walk over there, and slowly zip it up for him.
The past two Fridays after school I have seen the same group of teens walking home with a store cake and I would like to know how I get in on this Friday cake club.
hey ther delilah wats it like in gotham city
is the joker stil in jail–
i mean yes babe u look so prety yes u do
batman is not a cool as u
High school prepares you for real life! For example, show choir taught me how to put on eyeliner and lip liner in a car on the freeway
I threw old quinoa under my feeder and now the squirrels are walking around in Lululemon pants and requesting coconut water.
Son: Dad can sand melt?
Me putting down my glass: Don’t be ridiculous of course it can’t
what idiot called them crabs instead of sidewalks
The grass is fuckin greener wherever you water it…….