@ShrinkMedia My son just got his brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. If you threaten him, he bows respectfully before he runs.
@_SouthernMama In an effort to drink more water, I started taking a sip of water every time one of my kids yells MOM. So far I’m at 7 gallons.
You Might Also Like
@ShrinkMedia 
@AweShadySome My version of flirting these days is looking at someone I find attractive, multiple times..
..and hoping that they’re more brave than I am !!
@JoeMeatloaf I just couldn’t get into “The walking dead”. It was far too unrealistic and fake for me. I mean, come on, an Asian guy named Glenn???
@SteveSuckington Hostess: enjoy these complimentary after dinner mints
Mints: you have beautiful eyes
Me: [blushing] wow they’re very complimentary
@PinkCamoTO When Germans combine words, we get things like “flutter mouse” and “river horse.” When the English do it, we get “jorts.”
@DairylandDon If I hear people screaming, I always go check on them. Not because I’m nosy or some kind of hero. There might be ice cream.
@JimmerThatisAll “OK men, spread out.”
“Oat?”
“What?”
“Spread oats?”
“Spread out.”
“One oat?”
“Dammit.”
Why US/Canada joint military exercises don’t work.
@coolgirl0nline not enough men these days put fish in their mouth and pull out the entire skeleton in tact
@ghostkrogh me (checkin out at grocery store with 2 rotisserie chickens): hold up *i grab my phone although it didn’t ring* sure i’ll get 1 more chicken
@TheBoydP Why didn’t Dorothy tell the Cowardly Lion about liquid courage?