In the event of a robot invasion, show them a photo and ask them to point out the street signs. It fries their circuits and they explode.

You Might Also Like


I ripped my pants and had to sew them back up.

Britches love stitches.


The amount of time my phone spends plugged in you may as well call it a landline


Son: Dad, I’m gay. Do you still love me?
Me: Ask your mother


The 90s were wild. Scientists actually “cloned a sheep” as if we could tell sheep apart in the first place.


I’ve written a book called, ‘How Not To Get Conned Out Of Your Money’.

It’s available in all good bookshops priced £149.99.


I always end up at the store behind people who’ve never been to a store.


“Oh hey there, didn’t recognize you with your cap on,” I say flirtatiously to my toothpaste.


18yo me (naive, unrefined): I just ate a block of cheese
42yo me (worldly, sophisticated): I just ate a wheel of cheese


Me: Please wait to eat your Craisins until we’re in the car
*5 secs later
Me: What’re you eating?
5yo: *Mouthful of Craisins* ……Nothing