
Some people are like 5yr olds, they shake heads in agreement, but you KNOW by the look in their eyes, they have no clue what you just said.
In the movie Titanic it always bugged me that she stayed on the raft when clearly she had more body fat for warmth.
Some people are like 5yr olds, they shake heads in agreement, but you KNOW by the look in their eyes, they have no clue what you just said.
I find it hilarious that this ant is pretending like he doesn’t care that I can kill him with one finger. Yea okay, keep walking tough guy.
Woah!!! You’re a much fatter family than the stick figures on your rear window would indicate!
How am I supposed to adequately complain about my sunburn with no lobster emoji?
wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners
me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree
It’s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
SPIDER: But I need my ID
COP: I’m confiscating it
SPER: Damn you
Just watched 3 people jogging outside and it has inspired me to get up and close the blinds.
*puts bread in toaster* hmm something strange about the toaster today
Duck(from in toaster): no there isnt
I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He said I should prolly not go to those places anymore.