In the wake of inflation, and the conflict in Eastern Europe, the Germans are predicting a shortage of sausage and cheese. They’re formulating a plan for it, which they’re calling the würst/käse scenario
You Might Also Like
KATY PERRY: Can I use a real tiger?
NFL: No way, that would be dumb.
KATY PERRY: Oh I’ll show you dumb.
This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.
Baby Timberlake: ACHOO!
*Both Timberlake parents reach for a tissue*
Justin: OMG we are so…
Jessica: DON’T say it.
Justin: …N*Sync
The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.
HER: My daughter is named Nevaeh which is heaven spelled backwards.
ME: *Phone rings* Hold on my son Elohssa is calling
Research shows vacuum cleaners can cause hearing loss.
“You should absolutely get rid of that monster,” said one furry, panting scientist.
It’s like the people who drive Smart cars don’t even realize that other cars are an option.
“Asparagus!!!” – italian guy named Gus pleading for his life
Where have you been all my life?
Can you go back there?
Am I winning or losing at parenting if my 3yo says, “ooohhh chicken nuggets!” as I pull up to the security booth at a gated community?
Remember everyone’s fighting their own private battle. For example we’re out of corn chips so I ate salsa with potato chips and lost part of my soul
OH. COME. ON.
Good morning, especially if they tried to make go to rehab and you said no, no, no.
I was riding my bike this morning and a guy yelled “Cow” at me. I turned and gave him the finger…and ran straight into the cow.
After a funeral I try to join the family for the lunch, the hardest part is waiting at the cemetery in the mornings to find a nice family.
a 3 y/o asked if i was an adult yesterday, when i said “yes” he goes “why?” and honestly i don’t have a good answer for it. why am i an adult?? i could be anything?!!
“If you get me to the next station I promise I’ll never let you fall below half a tank again” – A Memoir
Thanks for warning me to be careful after I slipped & fell. I’ll be sure to wish you luck on your lab test results at your funeral.
Be a parent so you can say fun things like, “Can you please stop petting the ChickfilA trashcan?”
Copied tweets with higher no. of RTs remind me of tht incident when Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest n came 3rd.
Cigarettes only give you cancer if you let them. It’s called science. Maybe you’d know more about it if you read as many Yahoo Answers as me
What kinda psychopath tries to get in touch with someone by calling them on the phone. What is this…1984?
I just accidentally swallowed a whole bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.
When people say let’s stop fighting and act like a family, that’s where I get confused.
Instagram: My life is a party.
Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show
Facebook: My life turned out great!
Twitter: We’re all going to die.
Them: Mr. Scholl-
Dr. Scholl: EXCUSE ME I DIDN’T GO TO 6 YEARS OF FOOT SCHOOL TO NOT BE CALLED DOCTOR
Them: Sorry, DOCTOR Scholl, can you please put your pants back on, this is an Arby’s
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To work on his pecks.
Prime Day landing on the same day I get my period?
I need a bigger cart
My brother never donates blood because he hates the thought that his blood is having more fun in somebody else than it ever did in him.
My 5yo is demanding I tell him where he lived when mommy and daddy were kids