In today’s edition of ‘AI isn’t smart enough to kill us yet,’ Dane Cook is trending under Food.
You Might Also Like
When one door closes another one opens. … Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work…!!
Cop: “what do you think you’re doing?”
Me: “just throwing these microwaves into the ocean to create super sharks”
*cop starts helping*
I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs.
So far I’ve got 5,000 signatures.
Does a hot bath tighten the virginia?
SON: I’m moving out as soon as I turn 18 and you can’t stop me.
ME: [pumping fist] If you insist.
teacher: your son was caught smoking pot
me: did he say where he got it?
teacher: yes, his best friend
me: [tearing up] he really said that?
Running away doesn’t help you with your problems. Unless you’re fat.
So. I didn’t win the lottery again. If this run of bad luck continues much longer, I may have to consider actually buying a ticket one day.
I love my kids, but not “Puts reindeer antlers and red nose on my SUV during the holiday season” loves my kids.
How is it my dog understands the word no, but my children don’t?