incredibly disappointed to discover that these are two separate programs

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I’d like to see every photograph where I’m just someone
passing in the background.


Trivia: Bugs Bunny was originally named “Insects Rabbit” and his catchphrase was, “What is transpiring, Physician?”


There’s no such thing as a five second rule if you’re putting it on someone else’s plate.


Date: I like bad boys.

Me: I’m a drug dealer.

Date: But one that is also responsible.

Me: At a pharmacy.


Why doesn’t anyone invite copyeditors to parties when we’re such cool people out with whom to hang?


if swimming is really exercise then why dont fish have mega muscles. yeah i thought so. drain the pool so we can skateboard in it


“Have some balls. Speak your mind. Keep it real.” – People with anonymous Twitter accounts



me: *don’t let her know how awkward you are*

her: nice weather

me: thanks