incredibly disappointed to discover that these are two separate programs
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For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.
friend: i just had an edible
me: you can just say food
Science tip: you can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
wife: what’s bothering you, hun?
attila: the romans
My Onlyfans is just me drawing venn diagrams and giggling
I don’t understand why salads are seen as “dainty” food. I look more like a wild animal eating salad than literally anything else.
I packed workout clothes and nutritious snacks for a vacation and my suitcase can’t stop laughing
(telling a ghost story)
You know those knocking noises you hear at night? That’s adulthood coming for you!*all the adults start screaming*
Jenga, but it’s just me, pulling salad out of my sandwich.
“Go ahead, caller. . .”
“Yes, hello. My dog dug up a femur and I’d like to make soup. Would you suggest carrots or potatoes?”