Insanity [in•san•i•ty] (noun): Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
See Also: Going back to your ex
[Inside Trojan Horse]
OTHER GREEKS: *fearful/anxious silence*
ME: This is my first sleepover
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If you love someone, buy a bouncy castle. No one would leave you if you own a bouncy castle.
“I don’t know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you and – oh sorry, wrong number.” – Liam Neeson in Mistaken
Objects in the mirror may appear like you’ve been depressed and have eaten a lot the last 3 years.
Grandma: It’s funny how often on TV shows people hallucinate with dead loved ones
Me: how’d you get out of the casket
My dog doesn’t even understand what I’m doing when I air guitar solos to metal ballads but she dutifully holds up her lighter.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don’t even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real.
When libraries troll their patrons.
You guys, Christ is rising again soon and to make him feel extra welcome, we’ve put up paintings of each stage of his murder
Keep your friends zoned and your enemies zoneder