[interrupts Pink Floyd]
“Actually, it’s AN education”
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I’ve retired from twitter to devote more time to being an email unsubscriber.
Me: I’m gonna renovate the house once I get my promotion. After that, kids maybe?
Date: Are you still talking about The Sims?
Me: Of course.
No thanks treadmills. If I want to reach my target heart rate, I’ll just have a panic attack.
how many times did you see your kids tonight after you put them to bed and why is it 87 times?
ME: Can you have it fixed by Friday?
ABACUS REPAIR GUY: I wouldn’t count on it.
ME: I know. How about Friday?
Me: Could we please have a cushion of time between Halloween and when the Christmas music starts playing?
All of retail: No.
“I’m quitting Twitter forever!”
This isn’t Twitter International Airport. You don’t need to announce your departure.
Four year olds can’t even go for cigarettes or anything. Four year olds are useless.
It’s Facebook’s 10th birthday today. Let’s all click “Maybe” on the event invite and then not show up.
Roadtrip thread:
We made it 2.8% of the way to our destination before being asked when we were gonna be there.