Interviewer: Any questions?

Me: If Bruno Mars had a sex change operation would he change his name to Bruno Venus?

You Might Also Like


I’m tired of 19 year olds thinking they’re special for being hot. You’re 19 You’re supposed to be hot. Call me when you’re 45 and hot.


“It’s Your Birthday” Mateo Said. I Didn’t Respond. “Are You Not Excited To Be 15” He Asked. Reading My Book I Uttered “I Turned 15 Long Ago”


My Ebola outbreak brings the CDC to the yard and they’re like, sir that’s just irritable bowel syndrome.


I went through and unfollowed everyone who is better looking than me.

It took a lot longer than I thought it would.


90 people have swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and nobody wants to wear a condom.


That awkward moment when the
Priest uses YOUR confession as the
theme for his sermon.



My wife & I went to a costume party as each other. She walked around pointing at things, asking how much they cost. I showed up 2 hrs late.


Bae: Are you coming over?
Me: Yes, I’m coming over.
– Me and Bae having CB Radio sex