Interviewer: what is your greatest weakness?
Me: I usually take an afternoon nap
Interviewer: what? why?
Me: have to sober up for the drive home
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7:00AM – I am NOT going to lose my shit & yell at the kids today.
7:15AM – Dammit.
Me: *flirts*
Anyone watching:
Plain white T’s: A thousands miles seems pretty far, but they’ve got plans and trains and cars
The proclaimers: *after walking 500 miles and 500 more* ……they have…. WHAT?!
Out of all the cookies in the world, these HTTP cookies taste the worst.
This alphabet soup that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than most Pitbull lyrics.
reduce, reuse, recycle
The most embarrassing thing on my phone is my calculator history
Morgan Freeman is in so many movies, I bet he just wanders onto film sets and says,”I’m in this now.”
Don’t be ridiculous, I would never use capitalization as a form of passive aggressive behavior karen.
A robot robbed a bank but was caught when it’s battery died..
Police have no plans to charge the suspect.I’m here all week😬