I hate snakes because they have no feet. You could say I’m…
*opens another beer*
[Inventor of cage-free eggs] Why are these eggs in these cages
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*sinks into depression*
Depression: “Wrong hole.”
Me: *juggles stapler, tape dispenser and hand sanitizer*
Interviewer: I meant are you good at multitasking. Please return those items to my desk.
Me: Go to bed
5-year-old: One more question
5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter?
Me: Get some coffee
MOTHRA: try this, its crunchy & juicy
GODZILA: i cant, im on a…low-car diet
MOTHRA: o ha ha like low-carb
GODZILA: ha ha
HUMANS IN CAR: AHHH
MOVIES: Ok, time for bed kiddo.
*child kisses parents and goes to bed
MY HOUSE: Time for bed.
*mixed martial acrobatics is now a sport
Inside you are two Cookie Monster. One want cookie. The other want more cookie.
[puts on a song to set the mood]
date: …is this the monster mash?
Hi I’m Dan, welcome to identity theft club
*from back of room
“uhhh, yeah me too”
Ok, we’re off to a great start guys
A haunted house, but instead of masked creatures it’s filled with everyone’s mother-in-laws.