@ThisOneSayz

iPods will never teach kids to be ready to jump over sofas to push the “Rec” button on the tape deck when your song comes on.

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@KLC47

@KrangTNelson @funTweeters I am not a millennial, I am straight out the the 70’s and I make up new words to suite myself. Like you don’t get a spoonful of mashed potatoes you get a thwack of mashed potatoes because that is the sound it makes when they hit your plate thwack.

@tlcprincess

I hate men who say “where’s my hug?” Uhhh I don’t know, where’s your mom at?

@Peauxtassium

My daughter forgot to bring her lunch to school today. It was delicious.

@UnFitz

Sitting next to a priest on my flight. I sneeze. I’m waiting for him to say “Bless you.” Nothing. I guess it’s his day off?

@good_one_rick

my mom is yelling at my stepdad over the difference between a pillow sham and a pillowcase and I tell you what if you get the opportunity to move in with your parents as an adult you should loads of fun highly recommend

@SSparklesDaily

People on social media will threaten murder in the comment section of a cake recipe.

@ccthegemini

are u even at the cheesecake factory if there isn’t a group of unsupervised 15 year old girls there dressed like they’re going to the met gala