I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom… Then I discovered twitter.
is it rude to throw a breath mint in some ones mouth while they are talking?
You Might Also Like
Up to 300 serial killers are active every day but the good news is that some of us have been incapacitated by the internet.
*Tears off break away pants as I approach the breakfast buffet*
“It’s Ian with one i”.
“We only need your first name Mr Wivwanaye”.
*Takes off clothes
*Enters meeting room naked
*Coworkers gasp in horror
*Slowly backs out of room
[whispers] “you said debriefing”
Good Morning guys! Just ran 21 kilometers in 2.8 hours. Really didnt know I could have done it.
Temple Run is a really motivating game.
Wish a poltergeist would move in so there’d be someone else to blame when I lose my shit.
“Look we LOVE the script for ‘Murder Bees’, just change the name to ‘My Girl’ and you’ve got yourself a movie!!”
The average lifespan of a cheesecake in my house is about 2.5 hours.
Her: In case you’re interested, I’m dying.
Me: Then I’ll only set one place for dinner.