It is kid law that they will start liking some food and then become more and more obsessed with it until you finally buy it in bulk at Costco at which exact point they will find said food disgusting and want nothing to do with it
You Might Also Like
Apparently everyone on the zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.
When a proctologist fixes a problem, do they say it’s been rectified?
Just saw a fully functional phone booth with an intact yellow pages; so, yeah, I know a thing or two about time travel.
Somehow I managed to lock myself out of my laundry room. I don’t know the last time I was this happy.
my date last night:
– tried really hard to get me to go home with him
– accidentally spilled his milkshake in my car
– left me to clean it up
– texted me this morning that he’s getting back together with his exdating is fun, you guys
#katesdates
FRIEND: [over the phone] Do you think the quarantine has changed you?
ME: [knitting a dress for the raccoons in my backyard] No
Thanks for telling me your astrological sign, cause now I know a lot about your personality. Like you are a gullible dummy.
The guy with the worst grades should get to give a graduation speech too. Let me hear both sides
Wife: I made you an appt. with the eye doctor
Me: [spreading cream cheese onto Destiny’s Child CD] MY EYES ARE FINE
was listening to the very hungry caterpillar audiobook in my car and accidentally spent $174.09 at the drive-thru
squirrels pondering the nature of why they end up on the wire they just jumped from a moment ago
Experts: A serving size of chips is 10 chips.
Me: I eat 10 chips while standing in the pantry with the bag open, trying to decide if I want to eat chips.
If you scream at the library, everyone gives you funny looks.
If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
Just watched a woman outside of the UPS store yell at another woman, “GO TO HELL, MARGARET!” Margaret looked absolutely scandalized. As if this was the first time someone told Margaret to go to hell. As if.
*loudly introduces everyone to the elephant in the room
Why do we call it tunafish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?!!?
The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll.
My family seemed kinda happy that the rice I made yesterday fell on the floor before I could serve it tonight.
Vodka is the quickest way to teleport. You just have to be prepared to wake up naked to an unknown location with another teleporter.
Anesthesiologists are doctors who don’t like having to talk to people.
It’s wild how many grown adults complain about being in debt. Like, it’s not hard. I have zero debt in my early 30s, all because I’ve worked since I was 16, I don’t spend money on things I don’t need, and my great great grandfather invented doors.
“Milk does a body good” I whisper as I down a whole gallon of heavy whipping cream.
Birds: but doesn’t the blood rush to-
Bats: pnq ǝɹǝɥ dǝǝls oʇ ƃuᴉʎɹʇ ǝɹ,ǝʍ
Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth
I have a hard time believing that bears made porridge & the only thing wrong with it was the temperature.
North Korea shows that you don’t need religion to be crazy.
Nice try, evening news, but there’s nothing as scary as the three times I woke up accidentally pregnant
Warning: Too much sex leads to a house full of people who don’t like you.
haha, if i’m supposed to be at work right now then how come my ancestors are calling me towards this really bright light because i ate some clams i found in the denny’s parking lot?