Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse has less than one horsepower, you’ve got yourself a crap horse.
It took me 15 mins to explain to my 18yo son how to make Minute Rice, in case you were thinking about having kids.
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In Texas you’re allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I’d host sooo many parties
My boyfriend is tall, strong, protective and flashes me regularly.
Oh no wait. I’m thinking of a lighthouse again.
SORRY I GOT IN THE VAN AND ATE ALL OF THE CANDY AND NOW YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ME.
“I’m not drunk, I’m a zombie…”
~Me passing out candy on Halloween
[commercial for toilets]
°a man is walking around his house picking up turds°
There’s got to be a better way
*peels off yoga pants to reveal even yogier pants*
There’s an age where being drunk becomes pathetic but if you hang in there somewhere around 70 it becomes cool again.
Isn’t that kinda the point?
Spread the love and shit?
But that’s your fault…
Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but they won’t have sex with you either.