@lianamaeby
@Kyle_Lippert 911 I JUST SAW TWO TRANSFORMERS FIGHTING
“Mr Bay, please stop doing this every time you see a car crash”
You Might Also Like
@Kyle_Lippert 
@StuForReal In lieu of working today i’m gonna commit crimes
@LlamaInaTux Casting director: alright, screen test for the part of ‘fax machine’ go ahead
Dolphin: *deep breath*
@Izianikapani Construction sites are dangerous places. I nearly blacked out holding in my stomach as I walked past one.
@TrophyCatas To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine – I’d worship him too.
@kimlockhartga Oh, you think it’s “awkward” going to a wedding by yourself? Try going when you’ve dated both the bride & groom.
@TheSharona06 My Fitbit was delivered today. It’s still sitting in the mailbox because I don’t want to walk all the way out there.
@alexlumaga The early bird catches a worm. The on-time bird catches a different worm. The late bird also catches a worm. There are tons of worms and they have no human concept of time
@slimmy_shady Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
@Kauaibride you are so beautiful without makeup.
-my husband, after he saw i spent $62 on an eyeshadow.