In India, when they say there’s an elephant in the room, there’s an elephant in the room.
it’s creepy that edward cullen never sleeps and spends his nights staring at bella. but what if he’s just stopping spiders crawling into her mouth? now we’re talking
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Ageing is just getting angrier and angrier at what rappers are called now until you see a rap name that gives you an aneurysm and you die
If I ever get a dog I’m going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine.
If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage..
hey don’t shoot me, i’m just the messenger! oh the letter says to shoot me? okay th-
Looks the same on the way in, as it does on the way out
My ex mother in law once commented that she wished her son had stayed married to his first wife.
Me too, I replied.
The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old,
I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card.
“Do you expect me to talk?” He asks.
“No, Mr Bond.” I reply, loading Titanic into the Blu Ray player, “I expect you to cry.”
I look at beautiful girls the same way I look at traffic. Meaning that I’m stuck and going nowhere with them