It’s interesting to me that car drivers are the first to admit that other drivers are idiots, yet anytime you try to suggest policy that will take cars off the road, they’re the most resistant
You Might Also Like
Health Tip:
If you find a pill on the floor of a public restroom, rinse it off before taking it.
[getting murdered]
Hang on, let me clear my browsing history
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
Gas prices are so high I’m riding my Roomba to work
CAUGHT IN A ˢˡⁱᵈᵉ
these freddie videos i swear-
During a natural disaster be sure to keep your phone with you at all times. You never know when you might think of a joke to tweet.
My mom would complain about no cabinet space but also kept an entire set of “Nice” dishes in case the President stopped by or something.
2020: omg we’re entering hell
2021: ok so how do we make hell cozy
Me: lord give me a sign
Lord: *gives me a sign*
Me: no, give me a sign I like
Facebook: your old HS friend just sent you a friend request
me: cool!
Facebook: she’s racist now
me: uhh
Facebook: everyone on here is