Its ridiculous that Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his anger issues and not for his amazing & realistic paintings of fake tunnels.
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My mental health after scrolling Twitter for approximately 8 seconds
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(home depot)
frosty: so…i hear this is where I can find a snowblower
cellmate: what are you in here for
me: [snuggling] my bunk is cold
Mary Jane: So…know what today is?
Spider-Man: Um…no.
MJ: [sigh] Our anniversary. You know, your spider-sense sucks.
Spider-Man: It’s only for when I’m in danger.
MJ: [picking up frying pan] Uh huh…
Waiter, there appears to be a red bandana in my turtle soup.
Boss:my office, now!
Me:*to myself* dont be about Twitter dont be about Twitter
B:we’ve had a sexual harassment complaint
M:Oh thank God!
Me teaching Wilderness Survival Class:
“OK EVERYBODY WATCH CAREFULLY AS I DRIVE *AWAY* FROM THE WILDERNESS.”
*hates you so much replaces everything and everyone you love with a cat*
even if you already have a cat,
*replaces it with a worse cat*
[on phone with kidnapper]
*flirty* …no YOU have 24 hrs to come up with the ransom
Having to hide your euphoria when a friend says “I’m going to have to cancel tonight”