“OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!Damn these thin walls. Don’t know if my neighbors are having sex, praying or having a coronary.
It’s simple …..when life throws you assholes..rip them a new one.
You Might Also Like
HER: Impress me.
ME: I own a record label-
ME: er. A record labelER. It makes labels for my Abba vinyls.
ME: When Princess Leia kissed Luke, did you know they were brother and sister?
GEORGE LUCAS: *laying in bed* How did you even get in here?
Sometimes I spend so much time on Twitter in the bathroom that I actually pee twice.
It’s the embarrassment, not the blunt force trauma that kills you when you’re hit by a Smart car.
Boss: Can you redact the total before sending the statement?
Me: Sure. Right after I look up the word redact.
Me: “I’d like to pay by card.”
Me: “No, you can cuddle me.”
Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren’t just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?
I’m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn’t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
When you’re Kinky but poor