If commercials want people to look at them they should all start with the sound of a phone vibrating
January has been Januweary
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I have CDO. It’s like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order. Like they should be.
The pot called the kettle black. The pot is silver…………we now have a situation in the kitchen.
NIECE: I love this show
ME: aw I loved it when I was ten too *ruffles her hair* you are gonna have such unrealistic expectations for how close your adult friendships will be
Highway to Hell is my favorite wedding song.
Her: If I get fat will you break up with me?
Me: No but you’re now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden.
The only good comments section online is on recipes
Be careful of what you say online because future employers might see it and will probably want to start hanging out with you
hear me out…
not lasagna-scented, i said flavoured
“I’m gonna make a cool new social media site for college kids, but only for a few years. Then it’ll be a mom scrapbook” ~ Mark Zuckerberg