Jeff Bezos inches closer to becoming Pitbull

You Might Also Like


my biggest fear is a kiIler saying some funny shit whiIe im playing dead


Cop: you know why I pulled you over?

Me: cause you wanted to see how tall I am?

C: step out of the car, sir.

Me: see, I told ya.


The rest of the Justice League always makes Aquaman eat at Long John Silvers so they can watch him cry.


There you go again, overusing big words like some kind of tweeting sesquipedalian.



Detective Baby: We got you dead to rights, dirtbag.
*suspect puts face in hands*
Detective Baby: HE’S ESCAPED


I just went to church and had communion. Ok it was a gas station and I had 2 donuts but I did say a prayer before scratching my lotto ticket


*driving away from a heist*

guys seriously put your seatbelts on it’s just gonna keep beeping


Hamburgler: Success! Look at this amazing haul of these McDonald’s burgers!

Hamburgler’s Mum: *sobbing* Your brother is an architect.