God I hate these crossword puzzles
Does anyone know a 3 letter word for “Father”?
Sir, it says here you’re part of a small group of criminals that primarily kills interviewersoohhhhmygod
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*being chased by serial killer
Me: hold on I need to put on my Fitbit
*stands next to ATM and cheers every time someone wins money*
I’m pretty sure the coupon I gave you for a $7 haircut suggests that I’m not interested in that $44 bottle of shampoo, but thank you.
This Job Fair sucks, it doesn’t even have rides.
*my wife catches me in bed looking at an optical illusions book* HONEY, NO IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Good Cop: If you tell us where the money is we can help you.
Bag Cop: *majestically floats around the interrogation room on AC currents*
I gave my baby a teething toy so she would stop chewing on my fingers.
She wasn’t interested because it didn’t scream out in pain.
Remember kids, those light up sneakers won’t seem so cool when wolves are chasing you through the woods at night.