Boss: what should we call the lower cabinet in the corner that swivels?
Bonnie (who hates Susan): I have an idea.
Journalist: what are your thoughts on the arms race?
Me: I strongly believe that races should be done with legs
You Might Also Like
Tombstones should just say how old the person was. I don’t wanna walk around doing grave math.
ME: Do you want children?
ME: Me too.
HER: That’s great!
ME: [gestures to next table] How ‘bout those?
ME: *whispers* Where are you parked?
You strike me as one of those people who show up and debunk all the fun in the last 2 minutes of an otherwise scintillating UFO TV program.
Me: ’til death do us part
Her: ’til death do us part
Death: *cracks open beer* Imma watch them suffer a while
if Disney has taught us anything it’s that if you’re a girl who reads books, you will eventually fall in love with a water buffalo
Donner? Party of 87? Your table is ready.
Typos are what differentiates is from robots
the difference between me and humpty dumpty is that his friends looked at him and thought to themselves “we should put him back together”
I was really expecting to get murdered by some creepy person from the Internet by now.