kinda sucks that there’s only one day a year it’s acceptable to put on a diaper and shoot arrows at people
Just called the number of a guy I met last night and a pizza place answered. I didn’t even know you could live in pizza places. I’m in love!
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Who is that walking up my driveway?!
Anxiety in 3…2…1…
“WAIT A SECOND!” *mumbles* “I need to find pants.”
Me recordaron éste meme
he was correct
I want to follow a random family around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all of their photos.
Leonardo DiCaprio playing me in the movie of my life, but in the scene where I’m watching Titanic, it’s me playing him.
HADES: what happens when Aphrodites hair gets frizzy?
HADES: i guess u could call her AFROdite
ZEUS: this is why we banished u
Vacation Bible School is a phrase that gets less exciting for kids as each word is introduced
[first date that up until now is going extremely well]
date: it’s nice to finally meet a normal guy
me: my dog’s name is jeff
Me: so what do you do
Her: I’m a stay at home mom
Me: *leans in close* then what are you doing outside of that house