“there’s no word that contains all the vowels in order”, I said facetiously
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“How can I help u, Bowser?”
I need a loan
“For ANOTHER castle?”
A flying castle
“U have like 24 already”
IDK HOW MARIO KEEPS FINDIN HER
Kids: We’re bored!
Me: Why don’t you go play Uno and then fight when someone loses?
I get Botox so my face won’t show people what I really think.
All along the watchtower, people squinted and said “I told you we should have built a clock tower.”
I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes – “open bar”
“Stop texting me. If I wanted to go on the second date, I wouldn’t have stolen all your jewelry.”
[neil degrasse tyson voice] the film is called Home Alone but thats actually a misnomer. in fact, kevin was joined in his home by 2 burglars
your word is ‘hors d’oeuvre’
“can you use it in a sentence?”
yes…’I bet this kid can’t spell hors d’oeuvre’
Ugh don’t you hate it when you accidentally leave the volume up on your phone & the next stall hears the *click* when you snapchat your turd