@KaysNH

Just had an awful drive home. I was forced to ride side by side with another car for 5 minutes. We managed to avoid eye contact, but still.

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@Gupton68

Tried arranging dinner out but AC changed eat to war so I arrived to find the whole family laying siege to this Taco Bell.

@Elizasoul80

Johnny Depp is the best actor ever. You can’t even tell he has scissor hands in Pirates of the Caribbean.

@Bob_Janke

if I’m wearing a suit you better be dead or getting married

@Laser_Cat

“Your barbeque sauce is on my beagle!” “Your beagle is in my barbeque sauce!” *We both grin and put on bibs*

@ErrenMichaels

You threw. Our tea. In the harbour. And then you changed the spelling of harbour. We do not. Forget.

@FullGrownChris

“How am I driving?”
No seriously, how did I get here. This isn’t my car.

@LanieLalaBugs

I just want a man who’ll drag me to the bedroom, throw me on the bed & do dirty dishes while I take a nap. Is that too much to ask for?

@JennyJohnsonHi5

One way to find out if you’re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you’re young, if they panic, you’re old.

@BlissIsCrucial

My kitten has a lot of sass for someone that falls over still when she sneezes.

@Gupton68

My attempt to impress her with the tale of how I’d managed to fend off a hangry bear on a camping trip was ruined when AC decided I’d fired a warning ‘shit’, instead.

Now she thinks I’m both a coward and not to be trusted on her furniture.