Just saw a bumper sticker that said “supprt your local beaver” or maybe it said “support your local brewer” either way it’s sound advice.

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Governments easing mask restrictions but bad breath still out there knocking people dead


I print everything at work because I’m not a multimillionaire who has a printer with ink at home


HER: it’s pretty sad when people are incapable of moving beyond small talk
ME: do you like things?


Wanting to be funny is a disease. Why am I spending 30 minutes trying to think of a clever wifi name for my neighbors to see?


How do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have 6-pack abs? They can’t do sit-ups.


Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don’t think he’d know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory.


The most realistic thing about Stranger Things is how much time kids in the 80s spent without parental supervision.


My wife calls it “woman’s intuition” but I call it “not clearing your browser history.”


When I go “Commando” I carry around a big machine gun & speak with an Austrian accent while I track down my daughter’s kidnappers.