My 4 y/o doesn’t realize that things in life have happened before his existence. I bet this is what life is like for Kanye. Let’s be gentle.
just walked in on my son playing cards against humanity by himself like solitaire
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Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you’re dating an onion and not a man.
Corgis are great when you want a wolf that’s a loaf of bread.
The Proclaimers: Walk 500 miles. Then walk 500 more.
Me: Gets winded walking from the couch to the kitchen.
Hell hath no fury like a woman proving herself by parallel parking
waiter: how are your finger sandwiches, sir?
hannibal lector: *sighs* disappointing
Ok, I’m finally off dairy. Next is sugar, then heroin.
“Is that your dog?”
“No, actually she’s adopted… we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves”
Boom, boom, ching!
A rap song where I’m just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with “treats” so he stays interested.