@heidi420x

Just yelled “out of my way monsters!” at a flock of seagulls, so I’m done interacting socially for the day

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@Token_Geezer

Remember fellas, always take comfort in the fact that most hot girls are a fuckin pain in the arse

@_emilyoram

Sadiq’s joke in today’s Time Out 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

@simoncholland

Let’s get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid’s birthday party where everyone coughs.

@TylerLinkin

My password is ELEPHANT. It may not be the strongest but I never forget.

@JermHimselfish

I just saw Madonna climb out of a hollowed out tree trunk in the woods near my house.

@_wendyb07

Just some repair guys and me at work right now. If a pizza delivery guy and a director show up, I’m leaving.

@DirtMcTurd

“You get a Bible! You get a Bible! You get a Bible! You all get Biibbbllleess!!!!

~Poprah

@fujichia

– much ado about nothing
– 2 much 2 nothing
– much ado 3: toyko drift
– much nothing
– much 5
– much ado 6
– nothing 7

@ddsmidt

Should I fix the hail damage on my car? I mean, not everyone can say their car resembles a golf ball.