@TheToddWilliams

KID: Where’s grandma?

DAD: She’s in a better place now

KID: Canada?

You Might Also Like

@jbfan911

The worst part about a fender bender is getting out of your car and having to meet a new person

@Brianhopecomedy

Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old’s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.

@IHideFromMyKids

My 7yo learned that a seal in French is a “phoque” and like every Canadian child before her, she is enjoying this sweet swear loophole to its fullest

@kelkulus

Let’s legalize all drugs so Americans finally learn the metric system.

@maughammom

Either my daughter has pink glitter in her hair or head lice is way more fabulous than I remember.

@blaireerskine

my husband was trying to talk about Shrek but he couldn’t remember Shrek’s name (Shrek) so he called him “summertime grinch”

@sofarrsogud

[Watching Star Trek with my date]

ME: *leans in* It’s called Star Trek but the stars don’t actually go anywhere.

@mostunladylike

Mugger *shows knife*
Crocodile Dundee “No this is a knife”
*pulls out huge knife*
Alanis Morrisette “Hang on”
*sifts through 10,000 spoons*