Chicago launched an innovative new ride-sharing program today and the way it works is some guy stole my bike.
KID: Why’s the sky blue
DAD: It’s sad
MOM: Light refraction
DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction
You Might Also Like
Health food? Baby, my body is a ’93 Honda hatchback with a headlight out. I’m not about to start putting premium gas in it now.
Reduce stage fright with a little vodka before the show.
Bring enough vodka for everyone, and you won’t even have to perform.
her: you seem really upset, what’s up?
me: [thinking about how many people died before cinnamon toast crunch was invented and will never know what it tastes like] uh just work stuff i guess
[storming out of the bedroom in a novelty banana costume] YOU’RE THE ONE THAT SAID THINGS WERE GETTING TOO PREDICTABLE KAREN…
Buzzfeed writer wanted. Must love current events, pop culture and have a Bachelor’s degree and a history of head injuries.
the short answer to this question
Me: Please, call me John. No need to be all fancy with titles and last names.
Drill sergeant: …
“Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people.”
90% of the men who cheat and get caught give bad name to the rest 10% who only cheat.