@Y2SHAF

kids in 2050 trying to study the 2019-2022 chapter of history for a test

You Might Also Like

@_NinJar

The hay in baby Jesus’s manger came from Christian Bales.

@robdelaney

#SignsAGuyDoesntLikeYou he takes a long time to reply to your letters and blames it on the “prison mail system”

@Ivsy01

People used to have to hunt for food now its like omg two people are in line ahead of me at Starbucks.

@smerobin

My husband told me yesterday that his co-worker said I’m gorgeous and considering that I dreamt last night that James Hetfield asked me out, there’s a chance it went to my head.

@Reverend_Scott

DETECTIVE: TELL US WHERE THE STOLEN BANK MONEY IS HIDDEN

ROBBER: Nope, but I WILL give you a series of clues

DETECTIVE: ok this sounds fun

@ArfMeasures

“My grammar is terrible,” I said untruthfully, as I lied on the bed.

@frankzulla

What pharmaceutical advertisements love most:

Slow motion
Flowery meadows
Horrifying side effects
Old people sex
White people making dinner

@UrAvgDegenerate

My dog just ate a butterfly and probably saved Tokyo from a tidal wave. I don’t understand science.