@fro_vo ENTER PASSWORD
password
YOUR PASSWORD IS TOO LITERAL PLEASE TRY AGAIN
again
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW
@dubstep4dads ladies say I’m a hamster in the sheets because I squeal when I’m uncomfortable and I leave small pellets in the bed
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@fro_vo 
@generaldietz Spiderman: Can I be in The Avengers now?
Captain America: Um sure.
Spiderman: What should I do?
Iron Man: You’re in charge of web design.
@Alex_but_online Biologist screws up:
Mutant killer virusPhysicist screws up:
Deadly black holeGeologist screws up:
Rock on table is now rock on floor
@QwertyJones3 The woman who sits next to me at work just told someone she’s surrounded by idiots. I feel bad for her.
@STRIKINGxVIKING Always be yourself…
Unless you run into one of your exes…
Then… Be a WAY more successful version of yourself…
@robdelaney Woman at drive-thru just called me “honey.” Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike.
@squirrel74wkgn The teenage boy cashier just told my wife that her tampon coupon is expired…and all of Target went silent.
@astro_jaz Flat Earthers must lose their minds when they realize it’s called the atmosphere and not the atmoflat
@TheCiscoKidder Cop: Why did you burn that building down?
Me: Because they keep sending emails after unsubscribing.
Cop: You’re free to go.
@LanieLalaBugs You know what really makes me smile?
Fascial muscles.