[laying on top of me]

4: I love you mommy; you’re my couch.

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wife *feels bad for feeding the kids chicken nuggets 3 times this week*


The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from


Saying veganism is too expensive is kind of dumb because like, rabbits do it and they don’t even have jobs


I work all day in front of a MEDIUM screen, so I can sit all evening looking at a BIG screen while scrolling on a SMALL screen


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Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out


As kids, we wondered why our parents were always in a bad mood.
Now we’re like, okay yes this makes sense.