I love that sexy thing you do, what’s it called again? Oh yeah, me.
Learn cursive, they said. You’ll need it your whole life, they said.
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Sia’s full name is: “Sia…Wouldntwannabia.”
Left at a local drug store…
Getting closure is important.
*lies on bed to zip up jeans*
GREETER: hello 🙂
ME: [leans in close] what’s the cheapest toilet paper you got
GREETER: i don’t know offhand
ME: you’re disgusting
If you enjoy waking up and checking to see what died, get a fish tank
a group of ocelots is called an awfelot
I can’t personally remember an Olympics with better toilet reporting
“Hot damn!” – the Nazi’s probably after their dams were destroyed.
I don’t know; I’m not a historian. It’s just an educated guess.
“Well … I’ll be dammed.”
Bodies of water when they see beavers coming.