@LeahsLounge
@10InchesPlus I love that sexy thing you do, what’s it called again? Oh yeah, me.
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@10InchesPlus 
@joshgondelman Sia’s full name is: “Sia…Wouldntwannabia.”
@obviousplant_ Left at a local drug store…
@topaz_kell Getting closure is important.
*lies on bed to zip up jeans*
@OllyiConic [walmart]
GREETER: hello 🙂
ME: [leans in close] what’s the cheapest toilet paper you got
GREETER: i don’t know offhand
ME: you’re disgusting
@UnimpressedWU If you enjoy waking up and checking to see what died, get a fish tank
@Browtweaten a group of ocelots is called an awfelot
@sethmeyers I can’t personally remember an Olympics with better toilet reporting
@lydie_glass “Hot damn!” – the Nazi’s probably after their dams were destroyed.
I don’t know; I’m not a historian. It’s just an educated guess.
@knot_eye “Well … I’ll be dammed.”
Bodies of water when they see beavers coming.