Lego: Build your own goddamn toys.

You Might Also Like


“Daddy, how do you spell Budweiser?”


“I’m drawing a picture of you for school.”

“Cool! It’s spelled G-A-T-O-R-A-D-E.”


Cat: [I am the cousin of tigers, leopards, lions, panthers, and pumas]

Me: *putting tiara on cat’s head* you’re a pretty pretty princess!


Before you buy anything online ask yourself “Am I prepared to see a sales ad for that same item on every social media site I visit until the day I die?”


I can’t sleep because I’m worried I’m not gonna get enough sleep because I should already be sleeping.


*deals poker hand*

peacock that’s just looked at his cards:[giant feathers start spreading triumphantly]

everyone, at exactly the same time: fold


Please keep my 6 year old in your prayers, his sister is copying him.


Dear Cereal Makers,

Exactly how tall do you think kitchen cabinets shelves are?


[100 year old man on job interview]

“Do you have any references?”

Sure, hold on. *pulls out Ouija board*


[In cubicle at work]

*pretends to start clipping my nails*

*tosses uncooked grains of rice onto co-workers desk with each clip*