@Bob_Heller I know it’s fiction but the logic in The Walking Dead is so skewed it is impossible to suspend disbelief.
An Asian guy named Glenn?
Please
@merican_ninjy “Let the chips fall where they may.”
-My kids when they’re eating chips on the couch.
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@Bob_Heller 
@longwall26 God: So I was, all, what if there was a fish made of jelly? Like, jelly but alive and in the sea? LOL
[angels look nervously at one another]
@HerculeanStren1 They’re not wrong
@sophieisnobody single because i didn’t forward that chain mail in 2008
@serialmatrix Words I say when I sing along to Informer by Snow:
Informer
@lmegordon That clothes store that catered to old people 20 years ago is suddenly catering to me now. Wild.
@kevinthedad I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said “I don’t like bending down anymore”
@GlumGeorgeLucas I wish I gave Darth Vader different last words.
Before he died, I wanted him to mutter, “I should have stuck to pod racing.”
@KentWGraham I’m glad they call themselves attorneys-at-law. I wouldn’t want to accidently hire an attorney-at-baking or an attorney-at-pottery.
@MatCro IAN: Just how do fleas jump so high?
ME: Your guess is as good as mine
I: I reckon they wear tiny tiny Air Jordans
M: Ok I take that back