And that, Romeo, is why we usually try to take a pulse first.
Let’s find out what pisses the crickets off and do THAT during the day
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Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it’s a small soft drink.
Just heard they’re investigating a slaughterhouse in California for animal cruelty. IT’S A SLAUGHTERHOUSE
Throughout history they’ve removed a lot of key parts from the bible, like how Satan nicknamed his loofah “Loofifer.”
MC HAMMER: U can’t touch this! … U can’t touch this!
MASSAGE THERAPIST: Please just let me do my job Mr. Hammer!
MC HAMMER: U can’t tou…
Establish dominance by signing every office card with Happy Birthday, regardless of the topic.
I use so many age defying crinkle creams that I don’t have finger prints anymore.
dads when they smell someone in the neighborhood grillin’
Times when calories don’t count:
1. Finishing the rest of your kid’s dinner
2. Taking Mom/Dad tax when you give your kid a snack
3. Spoons of Mac N Cheese straight from the pot
4. Any stress eating related to something your kid did