“Hi, how much for a slice of pizza?”
A slice is $2.50, and second slice only $1.
“I’d like 3 second slices please”
Lion: I heard Adam got kicked out of Eden
Antelope: o no
Lion: looks like we can eat whatever we want
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[my 1st day as spelling bee host]
your word is policy
“can you use it in a sentence”
um i think hes an undercover cop, he looks a bit policy
The way I act when I have to line my wheel up at the car wash you would think I’m trying to land a 747 on a tightrope.
Me: Will you marry me?
Backing singers: She said no! she said no!
Me: Not now
Him: You want to dance?
Her: *Giggling* Ok
Him: *Scowling* Well go on then
Doctor: so what type of birth control are you using?
Me: my appearance
All I’m saying is never ask a bald man if he remembers something off the top of his head.
I don’t understand why people get excited about carbon dating.
But then perhaps I just haven’t met the right pencil.
“It’s time to turn over a new leaf.”
– Adam & Eve on laundry day
[meeting girlfriend’s dad]
Me: nice to meet you, Mr. Phillips
Him: Dr, I have a PhD
Me: oh, nice to meet you Dr. Phdillips