Just once I’d like someone to call me “ma’am” without having to add “you need to calm down or we’re going to have to ask you to leave”
Listen employers if I could see where I’d be in five years I’d be joining the X-Men not applying for your shitty job.
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The best part of the Titanic is when Rose is holding onto Jack and she’s all like, ‘I’ll never let go’ and then she lets go.
Hmm. Nissan Altima TV commercial boasts NASA inspired zero-gravity seats. But if you’re in zero gravity, you don’t need seats
If I believed changing my profile picture could change the world I’d change it to a picture of vending machines that dispense tiger cubs
I need to hire someone to follow me around and abruptly drag a needle across a record every time that I enter a room.
“Call your mother and tell her what you REALLY think!
don’t hate robert altman’s 1992 satirical comedy “the player” hate david fincher’s 1997 psychological thriller “the game”
Cats are about as useful as a football bat.
My boss is so lazy he just clutched his chest and tumbled down the stairs and now he’s asleep at the bottom.
Yelling “you’re not my real ladder!” at your step ladder.