*drops an avocado in the offering basket at church*
local police are looking for a peeping tom, I’m heading over to pick up an application
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babe wake up they’re canceling someone you’ve never heard of before
I don’t want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too.
disney: we want a nice elegant design that just says ‘Walt Disney’
graphic designer: Walt Gisney
disney: looks great
romantic comedies are like “he didn’t realize he had feelings for his best friend until she took off her glasses”
My favorite game with the kids is one where I play dead until they go around to their dad’s side of the bed and wake him up.
I’m following around cop cars all day to let them know how it feels.
I thought about getting silk sheets to seem sexy, but then I realized nobody would be turned on by me falling out of bed 6 times a night.
One smoker left in the world. The Quit Smoking ads get personal.
HEY KEVIN, STOP SMOKING. YOU STINK. YOUR WIFE SAYS YOU NEED VIAGRA.
To air is humane, to forgave, divide.
Typo quota for the day.