@1KelliBelle

LOL at people with only 99 problems

What’s that like?

You Might Also Like

@River_Niles

A white American told me I shouldn’t call myself “British” because brown people aren’t native to Britain.

A white American
White. American.

@Metalligretch

Yelling “wooooo” when the singer says the name of your town is what separates us from the animals.

@UNDEADTRESOR

Mom. Dad. I like my coffee like I like my women. I don’t like coffee. I’m gay.

@_elvishpresley_

*reads list of assassin targets*

“Eggs, milk…what the-”

[CUT TO] *wife at store looking desperately for North Korean nuclear physicist*

@julezmac

Spielberg missed a great opportunity when he didn’t put FIN at the end of Jaws.

@Hadzilla

At the last supper Jesus was probably like it would be way more comfortable for everyone if some of you sat on the other side of the table

@Jake_Vig

People are sharing real poetry on Twitter, and I’m all “What if roller skating monkeys delivered the mail?”

@Book_Krazy

Sorry I said “nice phone” when you showed me a photo of your baby.

@

Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that’s your ghost outfit forever.