@david8hughes
@TheAlexP * hears opportunity knocking
* chooses cheese instead
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@TheAlexP 
@Smooheed My boss accused me of being overly dramatic, I lamented in a soliloquy as I threw myself across the desk in feigned shock
@minkpinkustink run away with me except we’re driving so we’ll mostly sit
@lincnotfound dads when they smell someone in the neighborhood grillin’
@DurtMcHurtt Playing dodgeball with kids is harder than it looks cause you have to throw them with both hands.
@Froschauer_AF My bag of chocolate-covered espresso beans is empty.
In unrelated news, my daughter is swinging Tarzan-style from the ceiling lamp.
@JohnHilsen Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg and the guy who played the blue Power Ranger are cousins? Just not to each other. But they are cousins.
@TheRealMelskee Jehovah’s witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween, I’m guessing it’s because they don’t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
@bigmacher Cat saves kid? Please. My cat would’ve pushed me into traffic, stolen my identity, & would be living it up in Mexico by now.
@jonnysun SPELLING BEE: spell “configurable”
ME: C-O-N-F-I-G-U-R-A-B–
SPELLING BEE: (interupting) yes i am a bee but i fail to see why thats relevant