@Tmoney68

Man, my 84-year-old neighbor must REALLY like working on his car. He’s been under there changing the oil for 3 days.

You Might Also Like

@noog

Nerds were always ugly or goofy looking. Then from nowhere emerged the hot girl nerd and the limitations of Nerdom crumpled before our eyes.

@Wieneraaron

This Thanksgiving, take a break from arguing with people online and do it in person.

@felixoshea

It takes a keen ear to pick out a girl’s “I haven’t finished but I know you’re about to, so I’ll try to be supportive” moan.

@CArmanthegirl

I don’t personally believe in hell but I need other people to so I can tell them to go there

@reesespiece_

Girls, your friends lied when they said chopping your hair off looked cute. They are just happy that their man wont want to bang you

@gavinprobably

My girlfriend just explained to me that people can’t actually go through black holes, and now I don’t really care about space anymore.

@MisterBombay

I once dated a woman named Kim who hated to be called Kimberly. Then I dated a woman named Chelsea who really hated to be called Kimberly

@GreenishDuck

No one is more shocked that I brought my cat to a baseball game than my cat.

@beanpudd

When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute.

@thisjason

Hand-sanitizer gives you that clean, my hands are still dirty, feeling.