@panmidwest

mary: excuse me, waiter? i asked you to stop bringing him juice

waiter: we did, we’ve only given him water

10 year old jesus: *winks at camera*

You Might Also Like

@bigmacher

The Secret Service has gone bankrupt. Finally something has happened that Donald Trump has knowledge in handling.

@SCbchbum

How did Kim Kardashian get her hands on Liberace’s bath robe? #GrammysRedCarpet

@robdelaney

Take 1/5th the $ car insurance companies spend on advertising, apply it to health care, and everyone can have golden organs and never die.

@leyawn

richard dawkins got owned again. when will this man learn

@Ygrene

Me: [trying to act normal]

Nearby Person: hey man are you ok

@daemonic3

[1st date]

HER: I’m really into PETA

ME: [trying to impress] I love dipping it in hummus

@mellimelle

Just because I’m Irish doesn’t mean I am always drunk. It means I always want to be.

@JennyJohnsonHi5

Today is Star Wars Day, which means we should all reflect on a simpler time in our lives, when Harrison Ford didn’t have an earring.